Apricot Ginger Tea with a Slice of Romance: Part II

I have a confession to make: I long to be swept off my feet. Pair that longing alongside the fact that I'm married to the man I love, and the result can sometimes be confusing, to say the least.

Just surviving marriage in the midst of raising a family including a special needs son, with enough left in the love tank to even care about one another is a bonus. We are two very different people when it comes to relational styles. Yet in spite of our differences, despite periods of disillusionment, and in the midst of what has become a callous world, I find myself wanting more than survival -- and I believe he does too.

The dance of intimacy is scary. You see, I am a clumsy dancer. Brian isn't a natural at it either. But we are learning that if we engage in this dance, we stand to experience deeper levels of honesty, joy, forgiveness, grace, compassion, and love. If we choose to dance through pain and uncertainties instead of around them, or instead of turning away, the door is opened toward more intimate and real connection. In this deeper place of knowing and being known, I long to discover a better balance of romantic love.

Apricot Ginger Tea with a Slice of Romance: Part I

Brian, my husband took me out on a date earlier this week. Bringing me flowers and taking me to dinner, he later asked if the evening was romantic. The meal was very good, and I discovered a delicious apricot ginger iced tea which I had with a twist of lime, but truthfully I didn't feel particularly romanced. This led to my own inner questioning: How could I answer truthfully without hurting his feelings? Why is romance such an elusive element in this nearly quarter of a century we've been married? Why am I so hard to please? Is Brian doomed to feelings of ambivalence because of my notions of romance? What exactly is romance?

I haven't turned up much substance in any published matter, only romantic suggestions, reminder lists and formulas which fail to excite the idealist in me. Turning to the basics, I researched definitions using Internet resources, where I discovered that romance is defined by intimacy, purity, mystery, excitement, imagination, impracticality, and passion. Based on these ideals, true romance actually exceeds the limits of the natural mortal! To flesh that out a bit more, notions of romance involve:

*ongoing levels of intimacy where individuals in relationship feel known
*partners who possess the ability to persuade, delight and arouse admiration, excitement and the emotions
*a love that is free of pollutants that inhibit one's ability to love wholly
*well executed and imaginative ideas
*elements of mystery

To romance one's beloved means to endeavor to gain someone's affection -- on an ongoing basis! By its very nature, it is impractical and unrealistic. A romantic love is dominated by idealism, a desire for adventure and chivalry. It is characterized by passion, enthusiasm and a dogged determination to love.

Romantic love is not a cognitive action, but rather, an affective/ emotionally charged action. However, the effect of such an action can be observed in an analytical way -- such as an electron when it becomes excited it is then promoted to a higher than normal state. This is something Brian can sink his teeth into -- a scientific reference point! Anyway, if romance is the means to increase the potential and promote our love and life together, I'd sure like a better grasp on this mystical endeavor.

to be continued