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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Second Chances

I've recently had the pleasure of becoming reacquainted with some old friends. In many ways, it feels like a homecoming. The beautiful thing is, we’re discovering a depth of friendship we never had before. Life has been good to so many of these friends. Not that time has been without its share of loss and disappointment. Some of them bear heavy burdens. Most all of them realize they don’t have everything figured out. Yet in the midst of the brokenness, there is this ever-present sense of hope, humility, and strength. You know what I’ve discovered? They’ve become far more attractive and enjoyable than I remember them being before.

I’ve known and been a part of many broken relationships in my life. The kind that drain the life right out of you. I’ve had to understand that I am a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual creature, and that I need to nurture each of these entities of my life. As a matter of fact, I am quite needy, with all of these dimensions and facets making up my inner self. Yet neither friends nor my own striving can fulfill all that my soul requires. Jacob realized this as he wrestled with God at the place he called Peniel. So he refused to loosen his grip in that battle to experientially know God's love -- the kind that does not fail nor abandon nor reject. That was the blessing he sought over a life that up til then had been filled with emptiness. He had lived long enough, and wrong enough to realize that these things and more importantly, his place with God was worth fighting for.

God created us to love one another, bear with one another, and sharpen one another. Yet more times than not, we fall pitifully short in our ability to give and receive this type of interdependent connectedness. It won’t always be so. With these renewed friendships, I am enjoying a season of second chances. It hasn’t been without acknowledgment of losses along the way. Yet this is a beautiful glimpse of what God has in store for us as we grow to relate in a rightful manner to God, to ourselves, and to one another. The gifts of life and love are God’s prized gifts to all of us. Gifts we are desperate to receive. Gifts that we are able to share, once we truly have them ourselves.

I’m thrilled to be connecting with these dear friends. It feels like we’ve entered into something glorious and eternal. And that it’s not too late for second chances.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Anything But This

It’s easy to believe that when God is “in” something, there is a certain flow to the process. For instance, I recently read of a couple who wanted to purchase a larger home. When their current home failed to sell, their realtor suggested a “house swap” with the owners of the home they were looking to buy. Even though this process is often a complicated one, on this occasion the swap was a cinch. The happy swappers explained that they were Christians, and had prayed that if God wanted them to have the house, He would work out all the details.

I once heard an exuberant young coach proclaim God’s favor on him as the reason for his success as he prepared his unheralded team to play in the final four of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament.

I fear that too often, we mortals in our limited ability to perceive the divine, link earthly successes to our spiritual standing. Though I believe there is merit to belief in God’s favor and blessings, is it possible that we are prone to misinterpret many of life’s twists and turns, and what they mean on the grander scale of our eternal development?

We live at a time, and in a society that aspires to be most “kingdomlike.” With the advent of technology, we "lords" can know many things at the touch of a button (omniscience). We can reach most places within a few hours at most (omnipresence). If we need more money, we get a loan. No longer do we wait for the growing season to have fresh produce, we just purchase imported (infinitude). We’ve explored space, conquered diseases, and administered peace (sovereignty). The underlying message is that we can be anyone or do anything we want (self-sufficiency). But this is a false reality that we are reminded of on occasion, when the unexpected happens. Yet because of this cultural mindset, it is easy to compare God’s ways with these humanistic likenesses that are most familiar. The results of this tendency are very damaging. False pride, unfair and harsh judgment of those who don't experience tangible successes are two easy yet subtle dangers.

Even more cruel, it can leave some with the assumption that they have been rejected or abandoned, leaving them feeling hopeless and confused. That’s where I was for much of my life. You might say I was suffering from severe faith deprivation – I knew about God, knew that I should “be different” because of the life giving qualities of my salvation, but frankly, I wasn’t experiencing anything but my own self-perpetuated misery. A lonely place.

There was a turning point for me. After years of hearing nothing from those heartfelt “are You there?” cries, I finally heard Him answer. It didn’t change anything, yet it changed everything. I wasn’t alone, had not been rejected, and there was something to hope for. Why He allowed me to live so long questioning that, I can’t really say.

The first few months and even years of my newfound faith found me eagerly waiting. Surely success and respect awaited me, now that I'd experienced this positive change. I was a child of the King, subject to all kinds of blessing. For a while, whenever it rained, no matter how long or how hard, I never got wet! If I needed to be out, the rain would mysteriously dissipate only to restart with a vengeance as soon as I was back inside. This only fueled my confidence. God was on my side! What could go wrong?

What could go wrong? There are some residents up in heaven, living in the Faith Hall of Fame sector, who could give unimaginable answers to such a question. Torturous living conditions. Brutal treatment. Harsh judgment. (Before their heavenly ascent.) And they aren’t alone. Throughout the course of history, Believers have cried out in faith for relief and deliverance for any number of great difficulties, only to suffer heart wrenching silence. Jesus Himself, in the Garden of Gethsemane, cried out to the Father He knew and loved so well, “anything but this!” Yet He still trudged the path of the Via Dolorosa on His way to Calvary.

My own heart wrenching anything but this has left me desperate. In the form of a prayer, it spills into the room -- mysteriously frittering away into the walls and ceiling -- leaving me exhausted and lying in a heap. Sometimes, life feels inexpressibly hard, and the answers that we desperately hope for seem absent. However, there is no futility here. The rain may come, and the chill of that rain may seep into my very bones. Yet it cannot change the truth.

Somewhere along the way, faith has enabled me to rely less on my physical senses. The experiential knowledge of God's love and faithfulness has soothed a gaping wound in me. But that love doesn't always make itself obvious in the midst of the anythings. God has something in mind for us, something far greater than we, in our finite condition can conceive of. There's no mistaking -- finite and fleeting things are enjoyable. But God is developing within me an appetite for things that are more satisfying and enduring: the knowledge that nothing comes to me that hasn't been filtered by His hand, the peace of knowing that God is for me and He will never leave me alone, and the understanding that the best is yet to come. Armed with these truths, I can do anything -- even this.